“The Story I’m Telling Myself Is…” — A Simple Phrase That Can Change Everything
Have you ever caught yourself spiraling after something seemingly small?
A vague text.
An unread message.
A shift in tone from someone you care about.
Your brain rushes to fill in the blanks, telling you:
“They’re mad at me.”
“I did something wrong.”
“I’m too much.”
This reaction isn’t random. It’s your nervous system trying to protect you from uncertainty. And often, it’s rooted in much older stories—stories formed in childhood, in trauma, in patterns of perfectionism, people-pleasing, or fear of rejection.
But what if you could slow that spiral?
What if you could name the story, rather than becoming it?
Brené Brown teaches a simple but powerful practice:
“The story I’m telling myself is…”
This phrase invites us to separate facts from feelings. It creates space between what happened and the meaning we attach to it.
For example:
“The story I’m telling myself is that you’re pulling away because I said something wrong.”
“The story I’m telling myself is that I’m not important to you.”
“The story I’m telling myself is that if I rest, I’m lazy.”
It doesn’t mean the story is untrue—but it reminds us that it is a story. One we can hold with curiosity instead of certainty. One that may deserve compassion and further exploration, not blame.
In therapy, this phrase often becomes a tool for softening our inner critic and opening up conversations in relationships. It allows us to say:
“I’m feeling something, and I’m trying to make sense of it. But I’m not assuming it’s the truth just yet.”
Try it the next time you feel that familiar anxiety rise.
Ask yourself:
What is the story I’m telling myself?
Where might this story be coming from?
Is there room for another version?
You don’t have to believe everything your mind tells you.
You just have to be willing to listen with curiosity.
